Questions

I Peter 5:7 - "Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you."

Sometimes I struggle with this. Okay, frequently I struggle with this. I have led a charmed life, a wonderful existense that I wouldn't trade with the Queen of Sheba. But I'm a worrier. This is one of my biggest struggles. Sometimes still, a gut-wrenching fear will grip me when I leave my parents or my husband for a trip. I'll think, "What if I never see them again?" Then I'll start to tear up, because that's my response to pretty much everything. I'll see Daniel in an accident, being carted away in an ambulance, mangled car in the background. I'll see my Dad thrown against the wall by one of the machines he's repairing at Glaxo. Or I'll see a horrible mishap at the hospital where my mother is a nurse. This is one of the situations where it is detrimental to have such an active imagination.

My work life has been an increasing anxiety-producer for the past year or so... maybe a little longer. Yesterday, I had a wonderful conversation with my co-worker/boss and it turns out, I'm not a complete nutter! She's been going through this too! I'm so glad I'm not alone! But still, anxiety will continue on here until there is a major change.

Most of the time, when I am anxious, I sing. I sing loudly until my head hurts. It usually helps dissipate some of the anxiety. Or I repeat a verse slowly putting emphasis on varying words. I make a mental list of ways that the Lord has shown that He cares for me. It's hard to do these things at work sometimes... singing at my desk is not something that would be looked upon kindly. I'm sure it would draw looks. I have to find things that are quick, because often these anxiety-producing, emotionally-charged moments are also the most frantic. So, I wonder, what are some of the ways that you "Cast your anxieties on the Lord?" This has always seemed an elusive command. One of those that would be great... if I could figure out how to do it!

Pondering

There are two things I've been really pondering today. They both end with questions... as do most things in life. So, today, I'm going to elaborate on one.

I have always wondered what makes people forget why they fell in love with their spouse. There are so many people who get divorced, and very rarely do people go to the altar thinking, "This is not going to work."

At one point in every couple's journey together they have been in love. They can't stand to be apart, every moment not together is spent in great anticipation of seeing each other again, they hold hands, they look in each other's eyes, love notes are sent, flowers are purchased. When does that change?

There are a lot of things that attracted me to Daniel. The first, and most important of which is that he said what he was thinking and feeling. No beating around the bushes. He liked me, he told me, he pursued me. That was so refreshing. To not play the guessing games of "Oh, does he like me? I think so. I'm attracted to him, but he hasn't said anything. I'm reading too much into this." While falling in love is an exhilerating experience... the nausea associated with the beginnings of a relationship is not so much.

I thought Daniel talked to me on the phone longer than our other friends. I thought he watched me more carefully and paid specific attention to what I said, but I wasn't sure. So, I tried not to dwell on it. Getting let down is no fun, after all. But one day he told me, "Amanda, I like you." I'm not sure I heard a whole lot after that. But, he said it. He didn't let me wander around for months in a state of anxiousness. He told me. He said he wanted to date for a while and see where that took us. I was floored. This was different. I liked it.

We dated for a few months, not exclusively, and then he asked me to be exclusive. During that time, he had been attentive, he had driven long distances to see me, he had written me daily, he had sent me dried, pressed flowers that he picked off of plants himself because he couldn't afford boquets, he called me a couple of times a week from college. So, of course, I said yes. (Let me relay to you, getting dried, pressed flowers with a love note in the mail will get you your girl.)

We continued to date, and he continued to sweep me off my feet. On our six month anniversary he made me a card. Homemade. I still have it. That sealed it for me. Six months in was when I was as sure as I could be that I wanted to marry him.

What was it about your spouse that attracted you to him/her? When did you fall in love? What did they do that made you sure? Have they changed?