Eccentric Poetry 2

Transformations

I’ve seen a mound of books and homework
Ever grow in my locker. My intent?
A scholarship.

I’ve seen a pile of dirty clothes that seemed insurmountable
Sort, launder, fold, repeat
My stack shrinks.

I’ve seen a sea of sandpaper, paint and tape.
Work pays off with something beautiful.
A lovely kitchen.

I’ve met a stranger, who seemed shy
And turned into
A best friend.

I’ve seen a child
Become a woman
And bear her own.

I cannot see this minutia on my desk
Turning into
Anything worthwhile.

Eccentric Poetry

A tongue-in-cheek (mostly) look at how life doesn't turn out the way you thought it might...

A Treatise on Life

This gleaming chalice,
Hopefulness is etched along
Each shining surface.

The road leading to
Its exquisite form: Greatly
Anticipated.

Closer and closer
A wooded path guides all those
Who would seek to drink

From this Promised Cup
For surely life lies within
Its beloved brim

Approaching quickly
I dive toward the chalice
And glimpse in its depths!

I expect water,
Perchance bracing libation!
I did not expect

To see what I saw,
Something else entirely!
This adored chalice

This beautiful cup
Was entirely consumed,
And filled to the brim

. . .

With crap.

Lately.

I tried on Saturday morning to upload some more pictures of the house . . . but I don't think my internet likes me much.

So, weekend before last all of the cabinets got painted. Whew. Hard job.

This past weekend, Mom and Dad, Nana and Papa came out to see the house and bring a boatload of stuff. Our freezer, washer and dryer, a wonderful tool bench for Daniel, some yard tools, refrigerator, and some gorgeous deck furniture. I can't wait to put some pictures up here. It's fabulous. Nana and Papa also bought us a new dishwasher that is gorgeous. Every time I go in there I want to cry, I just can't believe it's my house!

We cleaned all the appliances, and let me tell you, that refrigerator was one of the grossest things I've ever seen. It looked like someone had spilled caramel dip in the bottom of it and there was some mold in the freezer. (I consider this proof positive that most bachelors should not have nice things unless they can afford a maid.) It's a gorgeous stainless steel, french door refrigerator with a freezer drawer on the bottom. It's gorgeous now that it's cleaned up, and in perfect shape!

The washer and dryer work great, and the dryer doesn't squeak! Hallelujah!

The garage is starting to look awesome and full of stuff for Daniel to get to work in there. I'm hoping he shows a real aptitude for carpentry . . . because I have some great ideas for some built-ins. Just kidding, honey! You work hard enough, I just want you to enjoy yourself!

The patio furniture Nana and Papa brought with them is fabulous! They're getting a new set, and gave us theirs. Now, my Nana has awesome taste so I knew it would be wonderful, but it's even better than I thought! It's a pub height table, with an umbrella and four chairs that swivel and everything! Plus a chaise so I can lay out in the sun! You know, in all that extra time I have . . .

Real-ness

I have an incredibly deep need. I have a need not to be who I am right now. I'm feeling so bottled up, stressed and just... sad. And I just have to get it off my chest or I might do or say something I'll regret. So, I'll type it out and delete what I want.

I'm in my mid twenties. So, I guess, quarter life crisis time. And boy have I felt it. Anyone who says it's not real must have the life they'd envisioned in their mid twenties. Because it's hit me like a ton of bricks and I can safely say that I have never felt worse about myself. Even in highschool.

In my head, I know it's ridiculous. I have a husband who is handsome and believes I'm a talented singer and decorator. He doesn't hinder my insane love of reading. He thinks I'll be a great Mom someday, and that I strive to be a good wife. He's a good, hard-working man. I have the most wonderful family anyone could hope to have. My sister, my parents. . . are fantastic. I love them dearly and they have been supportive of me. I have great friends. I still have a job. . . such as it is.

But this is the season of life I find myself in. I'm sad. And I keep battling it back. With nothing more than a fork and spoon in my hand, I tear at the insecurity and lies surrounding me. Standing here wishing desperately the earth would just swallow me whole so it would be over. I'm sad.

Everytime the phone rings in my office I think I'm going to blow. Everytime another project or errand is added, I think I might lose it. And I generally don't mind at all, I'm happy to help anyone, just here lately, I feel like I might. . . "lose my religion" as they say.

Ever so slowly, I feel like I've been on a spiral. A downward one. Right into the pit of my own depravity. And here's the horrifying thing, Jesus was nailed to the cross to free me of that. My sin nature is still there, but I don't have to bow to it's every command. I know this, I accepted it upwards of ten years ago.

I never understood Christians who were depressed, really. Until recently. "Jesus saved you! He died to show His love! It can't be so bad that that doesn't impact you." Yes. It's true. I know it. I don't feel it right now. In this place, in this time, my love for Jesus is still real. But you can't always feel love. Otherwise, it wouldn't be a commitment - it would be easy. It's anything but easy.

So right now I just want to shout, "Why is this stinking road so long?" Then I want to sit on the curb and cry.

Psalm 73:26 is one of my favorite verses, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

I need this to be true right now in my life. Powerfully so. I'm walking through a valley right now, and its not one of circumstance. I am not hungry or naked or wanting in a physical way, but it's an intense spiritual yearning. A yearning like I've never felt before. Gut-wrenching. Powerful. And I need God to be my strength and my portion, because I'm out of reasons and motivation to do it anymore. I need to be carried, because I haven't the strength to move.

I've been pondering what my pastor calls a "Holy Discontent" for a while now. I know that godliness next to contentment is great gain. (I Timothy 6:6) But that context is talking about money. What I'm searching for is passion, that life-changing zeal that propels me out of bed every morning. I'm not concerned with racking up millions, I do want to be responsible with what I've been given, but I'm searching for the purpose I'm on this earth. The thing God placed in my heart to burn until He takes me home. For Paul it was winning another soul to the Lord, for Timothy it was pastoring a church. In that context, I'm thinking that contentment is another word for complacency. If it's not life-changing, soul searching, eternity altering. . . is it really worth the fuss? I'm an all or nothing type of girl. (That's why I don't play poker.)

I'm determined it's out there. And I know that one day God will reveal it, even if I don't know the story until heaven. And until then I'll try to rest in Psalm 73:26. But right now, I'm just going to cry and shout and wait for the world to turn some more. Whatever it is, Jesus. Whatever it is that needs to be purged, pry it from my hands. Mold me like the dirty clay I am into the useful vessel that you can see at the end of my journey. You are a good God.

Workday

On July 4th, the Husband and I got to work on our new place. First room of attack? The kitchen. We had some friends come over (thanks Carrie, Jon, Michelle and Vic!) and help us take off all the cabinet knobs, child safety things... and then the doors and drawers themselves. Then we sanded. A lot. There was much sanding.
That's what we had to do to get it ready to accept the paint. (A Sherwin Williams oil based, black, satin finish enamel. Excellent paint!) Well, we had real trouble getting the 'false drawers' off in front of the sink, because the tub was in the way. We're getting a new sink when the countertops are installed, so Daniel pried the sides of it up and we wedged increasingly large things underneath it so we could get the screws out!

And it was disgusting under there. Seriously disgusting. I wiped a ton of it off and we vacuumed it up, but it was rusted and there were gobs and gobs of it!

After sanding, we had to wipe everything down (twice) with mineral spirits to make sure they were all clean. It's a lot of doors and drawers! Then, the next day, we began to apply the paint! Very exciting.

Here I am, reaching to paint the back corner of the door. It's quite a stretch. Believe me, I painted the backs first after this...

All the drawers done!

Everything's painted... Well, everything except the inside portion. We'll get that done tonight, hopefully.

It's a late clean-up. We're both exhausted, and Daniel's making a face in the picture... as usual. There aren't many pictures of him where he's not making a face. But that's alright with me, I think it's hilarious.

We're really enjoying working on the house. We picked out countertops and knobs and stuff as well. It's going to be a very pretty kitchen. I can't wait to cook something in it...

Spaghetti Frittata

Do yourselves and your loved ones a favor and make this tonight. It's fabulous, I tell you. Delectable. Delicious. Scrumptious. Savory. Appetizing. It's good, alright. And a great way to use some nice summer veggies.

Here's what you'll need:
8 oz. Spaghetti
1Tbsp. Olive Oil
1 Medium zucchini, sliced
2 small squash, sliced
1 15 oz. can petite diced tomatoes
8 eggs, beaten
1 cup mozzarella cheese
salt and pepper to taste

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Cook the pasta as directed and let it cool. Please don't overcook. Gummy pasta is gross. Especially when you have to cook it again, as is the case in this recipe. So, remember! Al dente is your friend.

Put the olive oil in a large, ovenproof skillet on medium-high heat. Put the zucchini and squash in for a few moments, and then add the can of tomatoes with their juice. It will look like this. And it will smell divine. Add some salt and pepper to it, because ... it tastes good.

Cook this for about ten minutes, until most of the liquid is evaporated. Remember to stir it occasionally.

Meanwhile, your pasta is cool. Or it should be. So, whip your 8 eggs a bit in a large bowl. Add the cooled pasta and 1/2 a cup of the mozzarella cheese. Add some salt and pepper. I can't get enough pepper, personally. Mix it together well. It will look like this!

Then you add these the spaghetti mixture to the warm veggies and stir well. Cook that on medium-low heat about 5 minutes or until the bottom of the frittata is set, so it's not moving around when you tilt it, but the top is still wet. Then you'll sprinkle the remaining 1/2 cup of cheese on top. Bake it 10 minutes of until the center is set.

This is all done, not moving. Lightly browned on the edges.

Wow. Cut it into wedges and serve! I served mine with a napa cabbage salad with toasted ramen and sesame seeds. Also delicious!

I have no idea why the site kept turning my picture on it's head. But there you go, that's what it looks like on your plate... if you turn your head to the side. But you get the idea.


The entire time I was eating it, I was thinking, "This would be delicious with the addition of some summer sausage!" Point being, this is a recipe that begs to be played with. Use mushrooms and onions if that's your thing, cause it sure as heck ain't mine! Or hashbrowns instead of spaghetti maybe. Have fun and let me know if you find any combinations worth trying!

Happy cooking!