Tuesday, March 10, 2009


I'm feeling twitchy. Like, jump out of my skin, mind racing so fast it hurts twitchy.

I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that, after 3 weeks of having a cold I finally went to the doctor and was told I have sinusitis and an infection and she wasn't completely convinced I didn't have strep. So, basically, after living with mucous flowing freely from my body from every orifice, my body decided to pack even more of it in any available cavity like those crazy shirtless football fans pack into a stadium.

I know you're all grateful for that mental image.

I'm sure it has to do with the fact that I have been sitting at this god-forsaken desk for months now with what feels like the world crashing about my shoulders. I'm just going to succumb to it and start wearing camo and helmets to work, though I'll leave weapons at home. Trying fiercely to remember that the Lord provides for the sparrows, and He cares more for me than the sparrows. Yes, I have been blessed even during this difficult economic time. Daniel and I both have jobs right now, we have an apartment that we can afford and we can put food on the table.

It's hard to keep my mind on this when I hear that 1 in 50 kids is homeless... what? The Lord cares for those kids more than the sparrows... what are they doing homeless? Lord, where is the justice in that? Poor little kids; I don't get it. I know everyone struggles with these thoughts at times, and I know that God didn't create it this way, that our sin is what destroyed the world. But boy it's hard to reconcile that with a hurting heart. So, I just imagine what His must feel like, because those are His creation... God's heart must hurt a lot right now. For a lot of reasons.

I'm also sure it has to do with the fact that I just want to get away for a while. Away from people, away from noises, away from people depending on me for things. Today has been a real struggle, my head is pounding at the slightest noise and I don't have anything left to give, then I find that a client thought I had been rude. Sigh. I admit, I'm not well versed in "legalese" so when a question was asked regarding it, I took a message. I don't like being definitive about something I don't know about. I also wasn't chatty, I listened, I answered that I was unsure and took a number. Evidently that's bad?

I also need to go to the grocery store... but I just don't feel like facing Wal-Mart or the creepy man that stares in the Food Lion. So, I guess it's PB&J tonight! I don't know though... maybe I'll stop long enough to grab a bottle of Sangria... that and a bath has real possibility. Oh, and I forgot! I have homemade hot fudge, those three things combined will do me some good.

I'm off to clean the tub!


  1. lol. I love it. Poor dear, I can really relate. I hope the Sangria, fudge and bath gave you a little bit of a respite. Love you.

  2. Thanks for the lovely imagery, Amanda. I think I'll use that in my script...after I gouge my eyes out.

    -Drew M.

  3. Amanda....I can so relate. Life can be so hard, and there are so many sad things in the world. Really, I think when we see those sad things, God is giving us His heart for the hurting. And when we experience hardship, it is so we can minister to others who are experiencing it.
    I am also learning to savor and enjoy the good things, like Sangria and coffee and hot baths (I'm not sure when was the last time I had one, but I remember the feeling), accepting them as a kind gift of God. I'm trying to remember not to let the hard things rob me of the pleasure of the beauty of the gifts I can experience now. Love you!