Wednesday, December 30, 2009

All not so quiet.

I've been absent for so long.

From pretty much everything.

You see, I found out I was expecting on October 6th, due June 13. Very exciting news. But then I got what they call Hyperemesis Gravidarum, and I'm telling you it seems like my world has crashed down around my feet ever since then. (Please visit if you'd like to learn more.)

I was hospitalized three times, couldn't drive myself to doctor's appointments, lost more than 10% of my total weight (which was normal pre-pregnancy). I would nearly faint when I had to stand up, had to crawl up the stairs to bed and was lucky if I could get down 6 oz of fluid a day. It was just not good. Now I do feel better, thanks to some time and medicine.

But I lost my job, mainly due to this. I never loved my job. It was a job. It paid the bills and now it can't do that. I'm so tired of hearing "everything happens for a reason" or "God has a plan for this" even though I know it's true. I'm upset, scared and I just want to be happy I'm going to have a baby. Being a mom is all I ever wanted to do, and I don't really feel excited about it. I'm sure it will come, but I feel like I may just be battling depression instead.